Monday, September 24, 2012

Love Languages on Marriage Monday

Have you read this book? As a New York Times Bestseller, chances are you have. Or you've at least heard about it. Sometimes when a book has been around for awhile and gotten lots of recognition, some of what makes it great gets lost in the hype. That's one of the reasons I enjoyed re-reading it for this review. Another reason I enjoyed it is because in the sea of marriage-advice books, this one is like a lighthouse that can guide a couple to less rocky shores. Of course, no one book is a 'cure-all' but this one has my endorsement as a worthwhile read.

If you want to know what love language you speak, take the online test without the book here :
(This post also appears at Making Marriage Merry - an awesome marriage blog! Check it out!)

The Visual Aid:

TitleThe Five Love Languages
Author: Gary Chapman
Publisher: Northfield Publishing
Year: 1992
How I found it: Heard about it from a friend.
Available on Amazon - Click on title link above
Audience: Married Couples (of course it has application for pre-married, post-married folks, too.)
Paperback, 191 pages
      "WARNING: Understanding the five love languages and learning to speak the primary love language of your spouse may radically affect his or her behavior. People behave differently when their emotional love tank is full." p.24

Book Description:
"Marriage should be based on love, right? But does it seem as though you and your spouse are speaking two different languages? New York Times bestselling author Dr. Gary Chapman guides couples in identifying, understanding, and speaking their spouse’s primary love language—quality time, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, or physical touch.

By learning the five love languages, you and your spouse will discover your unique love languages and learn practical steps in truly loving each other. Chapters are categorized by love language for easy reference, and each one ends with specific, simple steps to express a specific language to your spouse and guide your marriage in the right direction. A newly designed love languages assessment will help you understand and strengthen your relationship. You can build a lasting, loving marriage together."

The Gist & What I appreciate:
We all have a primary love language (one of five). We need to learn our spouse's language and choose to speak it--if we want to 'keep the love alive.' Those five languages are: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, Physical Touch.

Gary Chapman speaks from years of research and practical experience. He distills this into easily digestible chapters that have direct application to everyday married life. I appreciate the concept that we learn and speak a love language and that we can't assume everyone 'speaks' as we do.
This takes some of the mystery, and exasperation, out of a relationship and replaces it with a satisfying, efficient way to show love.
Quote from Chapter Three, page 37:
                "Where are the shooting stars, the balloons, the deep emotions? What about the spirit of anticipation, the twinkle in the eye, the electricity of a kiss, the excitement of --x? What about the emotional security of knowing that I am number one in his/her mind" That is what this book is all about. How do we meet each other's deep, emotional need to feel loved? If we can learn that and choose to do it, then the love we share will be exciting beyond anything we ever felt when we were infatuated."

 Quote from Chapter Ten, page 181:
               "Love is a choice. And either partner can start the process today.

My two cents:
                What else can I say? READ the book! 

               Okay, maybe to add that I vote for a "Marriage Language Training Center" where husbands and wives can enroll in multi-language courses. I know we have a primary love language, but I can't help thinking that the more love languages we speak, the more fun and variety there is in a relationship!

                I've also wondered if we have differing love language needs over the course of years, or if we can be shaped by different relationships?

Up Next:
           Strangling Your Husband Is NOT an Option/Merrilee Boyack

( Dear FTC, because I know you care, I bough the book all by myself. )

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