Monday, September 17, 2012

Marriage Monday

I'm still working on my next marriage book review. In the meantime, enjoy this blog post by Dr. Karl A. Pillemer, Ph.D.

According to his research, if we plan to stay married for a lot of years (as in all of them), we need to throw out the scorecard! I couldn't agree more.

If you take the time to read his article, please tell me what you think.

"For long-term success, couples have to orient themselves to giving more than they get. Both individuals are contributing to a relationship, the benefits of which transcend immediate interests on a given day. What couples must avoid -- if they wish to remain together as long as the elders we interviewed -- is keeping score about who is getting more and who is getting less. This kind of economic attitude works with a vending machine: If I put in my dollar, I will get a candy bar of equal value. According to the oldest Americans, this definitely does not work in marriage."  (emphasis added)

50/50 Marriage Myth


Peggy Urry said...

I agree, leave the scorecard behind. (Obviously there are cases where marrying a certain person probably wasn't a great idea in the first place, but for the rest of us....) When I look at the 'stressors' of my own marriage, it usually boils down to me being selfish and keeping track of what I see as injustices. Talking about it is a great way to work this out--not yelling or blaming, but really talking. If my spouse doesn't know how I feel, how can things ever change? So grateful to a husband who believes in communication!

Tamara said...

Love that you point out, if your spouse doesn't know how you feel, how can things ever change!! So true.


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