WHAT'S A MOM AND DAD TO DO?
Parenting Tips for the Modern Family
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(Zhuk,Adobe Stock)
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Let's start with style. No, not your fashions sense, your overall approach to parenting. There are a few styles, and regardless of how aware (or not aware) you are of them and your parenting choices, they make a difference in the life of your child.
Drawing
from the work of researchers Diana Baumrind (Baumrind, 1967), Maccoby and
Martin (1983), as well as teaching aids from an instructional Parenting Styles
Video, parenting styles can be broken down into four areas. The objects below offer a representation of the traits belonging to that style.
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| (Passey, Parenting Styles Question) |
Do you know which one is best?
Before you answer, how about a little more information?
This model focuses on two dimensions of parenting behavior.
- Demanding-ness, as you can imagine, relates to the amount of control parents try to exert over their children's behavior or how much they demand their maturity.
- Responsiveness, as it sounds, relates to the amount of sensitivity and acceptance parents offer to their children's emotional and developmental needs.
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| (Passey, Parenting Styles) |
Putting it All Together
The Authoritative Style:
A tennis ball is
"firm on the outside, but has an incredible amount of give. In
fact, the amount of bounce that a single tennis ball has changes over
time, which can be likened to learning, changing, and progressing over time
while parenting. A tennis ball is also fuzzy, representing softness, or a warm
and fuzzy personality, one that is approachable. Parents who apply an
authoritative style of parenting have high levels of warmth and high levels of
expectations, yet they are willing to guide and negotiate with their children" (Video,
FAML 120).
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| (Passey, Parenting Styles Named) |
“This style of parenting is likely to create children who have
good social skills and are ready to become independent upon reaching adulthood.
Children of authoritative parents are often self-reliant and confident” (Video,
FAML 120).
The Authoritarian Style:
You can imagine why the jawbreaker might represent the
Authoritarian style of parenting. It’s pretty tough, hard to break through to
the center, and sugar on the inside can mean not a lot of nourishment or
nurture from this style. Authoritarian parenting tends to demand that children
do something “because I said so.” There is no room for feelings.
Authoritarian parents call all the shots except
strict obedience. Negotiation with the child is not a part of this style of
parenting. Although authoritarian parents love their children, they have high
demands with a low level of responsiveness. Often, their high expectations are
met with very little warmth, and mistakes and shortcomings are harshly punished
(Video, FAML 120).
By comparing this style to the similar-sounding, but more
effective Authoritative style, you can see what is missing: warmth and caring.
Without acknowledging feelings, caring for a child’s well-being, and treating
them with respect, a vital connection between parent and child is lost. This
can lead to a very different experience for the child.
“Living with a parent that is so rigid can be hard on the child,
just like the jawbreaker. This style of parenting is likely to create
unsociable and withdrawn children who may struggle to understand how to make
appropriate choices for themselves” (Video, FAML 120).
The Permissive Style:
The marshmallow couldn’t be more opposite than the jawbreaker. It
is soft and easily molded instead of nearly unbreakable. The Permissive style
of parenting is also the opposite of the Authoritarian style—all warmth and no
demands.
Permissive parents are interested in being their
child’s friend, often disregarding consequences for misbehavior. While there
are high levels of work and parental involvement from the parent to the child
there are low levels of demand, which equates to low levels of correction
(Video, FAML 120).
While the higher level of involvement is a helpful aspect of this
style and can lead to a better connection between parent and child, the vital
ingredient of expectations and correction is missing. Children often don’t
complain about this kind of style when they are young, but may recognize when they
are older what they missed.
“Parent who use this style give in to their child, and the child
learns quickly to manipulate situations. This style of parenting is likely to
create immature and dependent children with low levels of self-control” (Video,
FAML 120).
The Neglectful Style:
A burnout light bulb represents the Neglectful style best.
Neglectful parents do not demand anything of their children, and they also do
not respond to them. For their children, it is truly like no one is home and
the lights are off—even when in the same room.
As you can imagine, low involvement and indifference to needs can
make it difficult for children to feel love and develop even basic life skills.
Children of Neglectful parents:
- Are more impulsive
- Cannot self-regulate
- Encounter more delinquency and addiction
- Have more difficulty with mental health
So, what’s a mom or dad to do?
With research pointing to the Authoritative style as most
effective, parents can feel confident in setting rules and enforcing boundaries—but
doing it by having open discussion and using reasoning. They can be reassured
that showing affection and being supportive will not “weaken” them in the eyes
of their child, but strengthen the connection they have.
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| (Passey, tl;dr) |
Navigate the Series
References:
Parenting For Brain. (2020, January 17). 4 Parenting Styles - Characteristics And Effects. [Blog Post]. Retrieved from https://www.parentingforbrain.com/4-baumrind-parenting-styles/.
Parenting Styles Video, FAML 120 Parenting Skills
Parenting Styles Video, FAML 120 Parenting Skills
Passey, T. (2020) Parenting Styles. [Graphic].
Passey, T. (2020) Parenting Styles Named. [Graphic].
Passey, T. (2020) Parenting Styles Question. [Graphic].
Passey, T. (2020) tl;dr. [Graphic].
Zhuk, A. Happy Young Family. Retrieved from https://stock.adobe.com/images.
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