Of Words and the Way We Say Them

Of the several General Conference messages that have been on my 

mind since the weekend, this talk has had the most opportunity for 

application so far. Why is that? Oh, maybe because I'm a mom and

in any given day I talk to my children about a dozen different things. 

Some as ordinary as what they want for lunch and others as serious 

as what they are overhearing at school.


I've found myself reviewing and reflecting what I say, when I say it 

and probably most importantly, how I say it. 
I've made "perfect mildness" my new mantra.
Here's why:


"We can learn from that voice from heaven. It was not loud, scolding, or demeaning; it was a still voice of perfect mildness, giving firm direction while giving hope." 
"How we speak to our children and the words we use can encourage and uplift them and strengthen their faith."


~Rosemary M. Wixom , The Words We Speak, April 2013 Conference

This is a video of the full talk.



And then I came across this article:  10 Things I Learned When I Stopped Yelling

I appreciate the author's honesty and candor and # 6 about missing out on 

life moments made me stop and think. So here's to taking deep breaths and 

using a mild voice.

Conference Packets and How I Get Schooled . . . By My 7 Year Old

A tradition that started out (I think) as a single Conference activity page my children received in Primary once - has become a 553 page printable packet. Okay, I'm exaggerating. But that is how it felt the first time I tried to print one. I don't even know when I discovered what mother's were making for their kids. Cue the guilt. Fast forward to the day after Conference weekend where I see the discarded paper (and ink) and have to wonder, did it help?

This year, this week, it's been a little busier than usual so here is how the following conversation unfolded between me and my daughter on the morning of conference:

Me: Conference is about to start, do you want to print a conference packet?
Her (emphatically): No!
Moment of silence.
Me: What will you do during the conference sessions?
Her (exasperated): Um, listen!

So this brings me back to how I felt when I discovered the varied and novel-length packets, activities, games and three-day scavenger hunts through crocodile infested waters that some parents  provide their children as a way to help them 'get more out of Conference.'

Though I feel like I'm speaking blasphemy, here goes - could what we do to 'help' our children be a distraction from what they need most?

Let me explain. When I attended General Conference with my family, we drove 30 minutes to the Stake Center, listened by radio for two hours (until the year we had satellite) and then drove home. This was in the days before, well, everything. So what did I do? I listened. What it hard? Maybe. Did I understand everything I heard? I'm sure I didn't. But you know what? What I did hear and understand,  I liked. And I remember wanting to go back. In fact, I'm astounded at how much I did understand and remember.

So maybe this: don't underestimate your children. Don't print 30 page packets unless the Spirit prompts you in that Ensign-story-like way. Let them listen.

Three + Things I Learned Meeting the Governor (and Driving with my Daughter)

I never thought I'd have a reason to meet the Governor!
It turns out every year the Arizona Governor graciously meets the honored women from American Mothers Inc. This year AMI also honored Governor Jan Brewer with the "Mother of Accomplishment in Government" Award.

Once again, I felt honored and humbled to be there. Ironically, I felt a little less nervous than when we were introduced in the House and Senate a week prior. Maybe less nervous because my bio was not read out loud this time? Actually, I think it was because I was able to bring my daughter as a guest. (I could have brought her on the other visit, but she would have missed an entire day of school rather than just one class.)

Three things I realized:
1. My daughter is a great navigator. No wrong turns and we got there on time!
2. A long drive + no siblings = perfect way to find out what is happening in 9th grade.
3. Wanting her to have a good experience is a much better focus than me not wanting to do/say the wrong thing! In fact, when it was all said and done, I loved hearing her impressions of the visit.

Three more things I learned:
1. The Governor is gracious and witty.
2. She got involved in politics out of concern for her children's education.
3. The Executive Tower at the Arizona State Capitol  has a breathtaking view of Phoenix.

And as evidence that I haven't imagined all of this--
Here is the Governor's Press Release and pictures:

 Me (Tamara Passey) & Governor Jan Brewer 

Mari Goodman, Judy Ward,
Governor Jan Brewer, & Tamara Passey

Mr. & Mrs. Bond, Diane Matthews, Judy's Son, Judy Ward, Governor Jan Brewer, Susan Ray, Karen Miskin, Mari Goodman, Tamara Passey, Marissa Passey

Governor Receiving her award from AMI
Diane Matthews, Governor Jan Brewer, Susan Ray

View of Winged Victory & Phoenix & a bird mid-flight!

Marissa & Me

Just for fun, I've included a little trivia about the copper dome and white statue.
It's like we're living in the wild, wild west or something!

"The white statue that has been a permanent fixture atop the State Capitol dome in Phoenix for more than a century goes by several names.

She is called the Goddess of Victory, Statue of Justice and Winged Victory, but for a time the nickname Bullseye could have also been applied.

The zinc goddess was cast in Ohio and purchased by the Territory of Arizona in 1898 for $150. When the Capitol building was formally opened in 1901, the 17-foot sculpture was placed on top of the copper dome to serve not only as a symbol, but also as a weather vane. But it frequently didn’t get the respect it deserved because of the cowboys who regularly visited Phoenix at the time. After a hard night in the local saloons, the cowpokes often amused themselves by riding to the Capitol and firing their six-guns at the winged icon to make it spin. Years later, during a restoration, workers found bullet indentations on her wings." ArizonaOddities.com

Unexpected Honor

Well, here I am sharing something I never, ever thought I'd be writing about! And getting more personal than I usually do on the blog. But I couldn't find any way around it, if I wanted to say thank-you and spotlight a great organization. And I do, so here goes!

I was honored by American Mothers as Arizona Young Mother of the Year for 2013! To be honest, I didn't know mothers were still awarded with this honor- wasn't it the stuff of legends or myths? Much to my surprise this organization does still exist and they do a wonderful thing: Honor Mothers! 

I love this explanation of what they do, 

"We have never intended to say that our honored women are perfect, or that they are the best mothers in the state. But we hold them up as an example of mothers who find great joy in what they do. By honoring their accomplishments, and asking them to be our spokespersons, they can be a positive voice in a world that is increasingly dismissing the roles of mothers and fathers and functioning families." Janeen Wright

I do find joy in what I do as a mother. That is mostly because of the example of this great woman - my mom. She is the mother of seven children and you should see the way her face lights up when one of them walk into the room. She has taught me so much about enjoying every stage of life - of my children and my own life, too!

I'm so glad she and my dad were able to be there that night!

My Beautiful Mother

 These are two more women that were honored (there were more, but I didn't get all their pictures.) Mari received Mother of Accomplishment and Judy received Mother of the Year. Did I mention how humbling this was for me to rub shoulders with these wonderful mothers?

From Left: Mari Goodman, Judy Ward, Me

 Here I am feeling very thankful and also, if you look close (ok, please don't) you'll detect some relief. I had just finished the short speech I had been invited to give! Yikes! What could I say about mothering to a room full of fantastic moms? 

Humbled & Happy

 And a word about the man I love. He is a great father and his example teaches me so much. I have been blessed to always have his support. I can say this: he is a man that "gets it" when it comes to understanding how hard it is to be a mom.  

Steve, or  The Love of My Life in case it wasn't obvious!

And finally, for anyone still reading - is the quote I shared in my speech:

"The soul is healed by being with children."  ~Fyodor Dostoyevsky

Marriage Monday - For Fathers

It's not June, Father's Day is still five or so months away, but a few things have caught my attention and I wanted to share.

First, one of my favorite Family Circus cartoons - I don't have a link to it, so this will require your imagination (remember that little thing we used before google!!)
The mom and dad are hugging by the door and the young son is holding his mitt and says, "Are you gonna' hug her all day or can we go to the game?"

I don't even know why I liked it so much, except for the belief I have that every child deserves a dad and a mom that that hug each other. One of my earliest memories I have is of the year I started Kindergarten, my father would come home for lunch and he and my mom would hug in the doorway. I'd run and hug their legs before I'd leave for school.

Not much of a memory, I know, but the feeling --oh the feeling, happiness, warmth, peace, security and sweetness all rolled up into one little moment.

Imagine my surprise when our youngest began hugging our legs every time my husband and I shared a hug. It's gotten to the point where when we hug, it is like a magnet, or beacon, or we emit some sort of homing signal. She comes running from wherever she is in the house, I don't even know how she knows. And if we break before she reaches us, she pulls us back together so she can get in on the hug. Sweetness!

So enjoy these little links. The first is a video, the second is an article-but it's short and well worth the read!

Tribute to Fathers

Article-Three Things I Wish I Knew Before We Got Married

Behind the Scenes - Coping Article

I will confess, while the idea for my second article for FamilyHow.com came quickly to me, it turned out to be a little harder to write. I think I know why...I wanted to include some of the personal experiences I've had when my children have been diagnosed with various conditions or illnesses, but I also wanted to be sensitive to their needs for privacy. When I began having my children, facebook and blogs didn't exist. Maybe my concern for their privacy is an outdated one in our culture of post-every-picture-as-soon-as-you-snap-it. Outdated or not, I hope I was able share helpful information for anyone facing similar situations. 

What do you think? 

Friends, Winners and What's Pain Got to do With It?

A facebook (and writer) friend Kari shared this link: 10 Things Winners Do Differently.

All ten suggestions are great - here is # 9:

"Work through the pain. – One day this pain will make sense to you.  Sometimes it takes the worst pain to bring about the best change.  The strongest people you know became strong because of the pain they once faced, and conquered.  So in spite of all the put-downs and negativity you’ve heard from others in your life, stay focused on your goals, and remember that how you rise up is no one else’s business but your own. "

I think I'm still pondering that line "One day this pain will  make sense to you." Of all the things I've tried to make sense of in life, pain has not been one of them. I think up until now I've categorized it into to kinds: A.) productive and B.) non-productive (or in other words - useless, miserable, wretched, etc.) For type A, think of labor pains and childbirth. For type B, think of a pulled ligament in the knee. Reading that article today reminded me that even the type B pain in my life doesn't have to be senseless or useless.

Then this quote bubbled up in my mind. (And because of the magical internet, I can quote it here with accuracy.)

“No pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience is wasted. It ministers to our education, to the development of such qualities as patience, faith, fortitude and humility. All that we suffer and all that we endure, especially when we endure it patiently, builds up our characters, purifies our hearts, expands our souls, and makes us more tender and charitable, more worthy to be called the children of God . . . and it is through sorrow and suffering, toil and tribulation, that we gain the education that we come here to acquire and which will make us more like our Father and Mother in heaven.”  ― Orson F. Whitney

Sobering, but comforting and true. I believe this is possible when we turn our hearts and lives over to Heavenly Father. He is the only one that can "consecrate our affliction for our gain." 

Here's to getting through the pain, not quitting and great friends that help us along the way!