Love Languages on Marriage Monday

Have you read this book? As a New York Times Bestseller, chances are you have. Or you've at least heard about it. Sometimes when a book has been around for awhile and gotten lots of recognition, some of what makes it great gets lost in the hype. That's one of the reasons I enjoyed re-reading it for this review. Another reason I enjoyed it is because in the sea of marriage-advice books, this one is like a lighthouse that can guide a couple to less rocky shores. Of course, no one book is a 'cure-all' but this one has my endorsement as a worthwhile read.

If you want to know what love language you speak, take the online test without the book here : www.fivelovelanguages.com

(This post also appears at Making Marriage Merry - an awesome marriage blog! Check it out!)

The Visual Aid:

The Five Love Languages

Title: The Five Love Languages
Author: Gary Chapman

Publisher: Northfield Publishing

Year: 1992

How I found it: Heard about it from a friend.

Available on Amazon - Click on title link above

Audience: Married Couples (of course it has application for pre-married, post-married folks, too.)

Paperback, 191 pages

                

      "WARNING: Understanding the five love languages and learning to speak the primary love language of your spouse may radically affect his or her behavior. People behave differently when their emotional love tank is full." p.24

      

Book Description:

"Marriage should be based on love, right? But does it seem as though you and your spouse are speaking two different languages? New York Times bestselling author Dr. Gary Chapman guides couples in identifying, understanding, and speaking their spouse’s primary love language—quality time, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, or physical touch.

By learning the five love languages, you and your spouse will discover your unique love languages and learn practical steps in truly loving each other. Chapters are categorized by love language for easy reference, and each one ends with specific, simple steps to express a specific language to your spouse and guide your marriage in the right direction. A newly designed love languages assessment will help you understand and strengthen your relationship. You can build a lasting, loving marriage together."

The Gist & What I appreciate:

We all have a primary love language (one of five). We need to learn our spouse's language and choose to speak it--if we want to 'keep the love alive.' Those five languages are: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, Physical Touch.

Gary Chapman speaks from years of research and practical experience. He distills this into easily digestible chapters that have direct application to everyday married life. I appreciate the concept that we learn and speak a love language and that we can't assume everyone 'speaks' as we do.
This takes some of the mystery, and exasperation, out of a relationship and replaces it with a satisfying, efficient way to show love.

     

Quote from Chapter Three, page 37:

                "Where are the shooting stars, the balloons, the deep emotions? What about the spirit of anticipation, the twinkle in the eye, the electricity of a kiss, the excitement of --x? What about the emotional security of knowing that I am number one in his/her mind" That is what this book is all about. How do we meet each other's deep, emotional need to feel loved? If we can learn that and choose to do it, then the love we share will be exciting beyond anything we ever felt when we were infatuated."

 Quote from Chapter Ten, page 181:

               "Love is a choice. And either partner can start the process today.

My two cents:

                What else can I say? READ the book! 

               Okay, maybe to add that I vote for a "Marriage Language Training Center" where husbands and wives can enroll in multi-language courses. I know we have a primary love language, but I can't help thinking that the more love languages we speak, the more fun and variety there is in a relationship!

                I've also wondered if we have differing love language needs over the course of years, or if we can be shaped by different relationships?

Up Next:
           Strangling Your Husband Is NOT an Option/Merrilee Boyack

( Dear FTC, because I know you care, I bough the book all by myself. )

Friends Friday, Not Really

We interrupt the regularly scheduled programming . . .

Well, I don't have breaking news, but my regular schedule has had a few interruptions.

I think the Moms out there can relate, maybe some Dads can too, to what a little fever can do--throw in a sore throat and cough and you've got a child home for a few days, lots of soup and watching movies on the sofa. Hmm, doesn't lend itself to high productivity or even staying on top of everything. But it does come with the territory. That territory of being the Mom, and loving it, even on sick days. Even if it means I haven't written posts that match my catchy day-of-the-week titles. I know the awesome readers of my blog will forgive me. That's what friends do, right? And besides, this is only a blog--it's not like I'm messing with anyone's daily lunch specials right?

Marriage Monday

I'm still working on my next marriage book review. In the meantime, enjoy this blog post by Dr. Karl A. Pillemer, Ph.D.

According to his research, if we plan to stay married for a lot of years (as in all of them), we need to throw out the scorecard! I couldn't agree more.

If you take the time to read his article, please tell me what you think.

"For long-term success, couples have to orient themselves to giving more than they get. Both individuals are contributing to a relationship, the benefits of which transcend immediate interests on a given day. What couples must avoid -- if they wish to remain together as long as the elders we interviewed -- is keeping score about who is getting more and who is getting less. This kind of economic attitude works with a vending machine: If I put in my dollar, I will get a candy bar of equal value. According to the oldest Americans, this definitely does not work in marriage."  (emphasis added)

50/50 Marriage Myth

Sneak Peek

WIP Wednesday

For a limited time . . . 

My pitch for The Keeper is up on Deana Barnhart's Blog and getting some attention. If you want a sneak 

peek at my query letter and the first 150 words of the book - head on over!!! You don't even have to be sneaky about it.

Marriage Book Review Monday - With a little help from my friends!

Another Monday - so you know what that means? Another marriage book review!

For today I have links. This first is to Bloggin' 'Bout Books. (If you haven't checked out and this blog - hop on over. Great reviews of lots of books.) This link is for her review of a new LDS book:

Real Intimacy - Hodson/Worthington/Harrison

(I haven't read the book yet, but I really appreciate Susan's review of this book that tackles more serious/sensitive marital issues.)

This link is not a book review, but an article from Meridian Magazine that I came across (because you know, if it is about marriage . . . I'm gonna read it :)

The Sacred Gift of Relationships: Is Disillusionment the Enemy?

Hmm...this article made me think. In fact I'm still thinking. (Don't want to scare anyone!) I may post a response/discussion to it. But for now, enjoy. 

And tell me what you think.

Playing Tag

I love making new friends! Especially when they include me in a fun game of Tag . . .

called The Next Best Thing

Thanks to Kelley Lynn - she has a fabulous blog and a book Fraction of Stone, to be released by Sapphire Star Publishing.

My book isn't hitting the shelves yet, but I can still tell you all about it . . .

What is the working title of your book?  

The Keeper

Where did the idea come from for the book? 

I'll resist the urge to wax philosophical and discuss the origin of all ideas and just say that I was thinking about one of my favorite Christmas activities and before I knew it I had a novel on my hands!

What genre is it?

Christmas (Inspirational) Romance

Which actors would you choose to play your main characters in a movie?

Do I have to have reasons for who I choose? They are who came to mind when I read this question...

What is the one-sentence synopsis of your book?

Mark Shafer inherits the family Christmas Tree farm, only he wants to sell it to pursue his career in music, until he learns the trees might be miracle trees.

Will your book be self published or represented by an agency?

I don't have a crystal ball, so I don't have an answer to this one yet!

How long did it take you to write the first draft of your manuscript?

6 months, but I only wrote during my daughter's preschool hours!

What else about your book might pique the reader's interest?

Escape to a cozy New England town for Christmas, meet The Keeper and discover the secret and miracle of the trees.

And Tag! You're It! 

Valerie - Of Writerly Things

Rhiann - A Nest of Words

Melissa - Have You Heard

Thanks for stopping by the blog today!!

Follow You, Follow Me

Meet and Greet on the blog today!

In case you haven't heard, I'd love to find a home for my novel

The Keeper, a Christmas Romance
48,400 words
Full manuscript available upon request


These are my 'Getting-to-Know-Me' questions for GUTTAA.
However,  What I'd really like to do is get to know you better.
You meaning anyone reading my blog, ah, that is anyone besides my Mom, (hi Mom ;)
So just for fun, pick a question and answer it in the comments. And for my non-writing friends--I think (hope) I still have some left--tell me about your hobby!

And as an added Friends Friday bonus - if you follow me I will follow you. I mean your blog, I will follow your blog. You knew that right? That sort of explains the purpose of the you tube video at the end of this post. (Did Phil know he was singing a blogger's theme song) Enjoy!

-Where do you write? Wherever my lap top is. Usually my desk. Occasionally someplace as exotic as the library. If I am in a place more exotic than the library, I can assure you, I am writing there. (okay, maybe a little.)

-Quick. Go to your writing space, sit down and look to your left. What is the first thing you see? A binder. Hmm. The door to the laundry room. Or the door to the bathroom. I'm stopping there because it doesn't really get any more interesting.

-Favorite time to write? Any time I get to write is my favorite time!

-Drink of choice while writing? Do you really want to know? Water. Let's see if the next question will lend itself to revealing some personality...

-When writing , do you listen to music or do you need complete silence? Silence. Mostly. There are some instrumentals I can play but not for very long.

-What was your inspiration for your latest manuscript and where did you find it? Can I say that my last inspiration found me? I don't feel like I went looking for it. One day, not sure why, I was thinking of some of my favorite Christmas memories and next thing I know, I'm writing a novel. Go figure.

-What's your most valuable writing tip? This last question is a curve ball. This has been all 'lets play nice and ask some warm up questions' and now wham! pressure. I need to come up with a writing tip!! No, make that a valuable writing tip. Okay, drum roll... "Don't. Stop. Writing."